Do you ever have that feeling where you just want to scream? Not at anything, or anyone, or about anything, but just to escape normality? Sometimes I want to run. Not away, or to any specific destination, but just to feel free. Sometimes I want to jump, to freefall and have nothing but trust that someone will catch me. I have a deep desire for freedom, for adventure, but there always seems to be something stopping me. Prior commitments, expected priorities... or even sometimes myself, my own insecurities and fears.
Past hurt leads to a paranoid present and a fear of the future.
I suffer quietly. Suppress feelings, just as the world tells me to. I fight dreams, forget desires, and keep emotions to myself. When something repeatedly goes wrong, it is so easy to give up, to disregard what you know you want and need to do, so as not to be hurt again. When problems arise, it is so easy to play naive, to make-believe, to choose to ignore something in the simple hope that it will conveniently disappear.
But this is not how I have been called to live my life. I am challenged to face my problems head on in the strength of God. Challenged to fight my fears, and pray that my thoughts will be pure, my desires, God-given. Living a passive existence does not glorify God in the entirety that he deserves. I have given my life entirely to God, and strive to live as he intended me to, with Jesus as my example. A love giver, a joy bringer, a peace deliverer.
And the art of it all is losing myself. Surrendering everything. Becoming vulnerable and helpless. Relying entirely on Him.
The beautiful simplicity of Christ's Love has set me free.
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